staying positive

Staying positive is a challenge. A challenge that I recently failed. I went back home for a week and I felt all the work I had done vanish, and I hopped on the brain train to negative, destructive, bitter town and set up camp.The moment I got back to LA I felt things begin to get better and by that evening I was once again living my dream and feeling so blessed and grateful. Why couldn't I find that at home?
A major part of my inability to find the silver lining when I was home was I discovered I had been letting someone in who was not good for me. I have had a lot of heartbreak this year and nothing gets me on the brain train to depressedville faster than a taste of betrayal (usually it's myself that I feel betrayed by-but that's a whole other rabbit hole.) The point is, I let this first encounter dictate the rest of my trip, I wasn't able to let it go and find my happy place. So, today I woke up way too early to drive and do something I didn't want to do, but "needed" to do for my career, only to once again be turned away, (2nd time) and I was upset for about 2 seconds and then I was able to continue on, it didn't get to me. I feel like so many "disappointments" or speed bumps happen here in LA that your programmed to stay positive and focus on the good things because otherwise you would just give up. I need to learn to take this survival programming I have for LA and being an actor in general, and use it the next time I go home. I need to remember how to laugh and shake it off when the universe fucks with you just like I do everyday here in LA.  One of my idols Anthony Meindl says, "The things I think I need to hear from others are the things I must give to myself."  What I didn't hear and get when I was home I should have given to myself, and I should have cut myself some slack for being duped once again in love. So, next time I will:)